"Blumpkin the Cat"

hilarious story. wanted to die laughing. here goes:

One of my students, Christine, is this overly plump child who is 2 or 3 years behind where she needs to be is OBSESSED with getting a class pet. When I met her parents... well let's just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Christine has been on my case about getting all sorts of odd pets, which makes me wonder what sort of creatures she has living at home. Last Thursday, I had them draw a cell and label its parts, etc. Naturally, Christine was off task and attempted to grasp onto my ear to riddle off all of the creatures she lives with including her brother. I am visibly annoyed. She can tell. I ask her to continue her drawing. I can see her boiling up... oh dear, she is going to say something... Finally, with a burst of energy she shouts out, "My cat's name is BLUMPKIN."

The class gets a little silent, a few students sort of look our way with estranged looks... more of a "why is this girl shouting interjections in class" than a "omg she just said blumpkin!" kind of looks. I whip around and almost die. As in holding my stomach muscles so tight. Immediately I had a visual... a really nasty visual I could not get rid of.

I turn around and face her: "Do you know what that means?" My flashback continues to the Friars Club Office on a random Tuesday my sophomore year as a inappropriate--yet fascinating--discussion develops on the kinky sexual fantasy many have (more than I would ever think) on receiving a blumpkin.

"Yes Veronica I know what that means."

"My brother named it that. Its disgusting. My brother is immature."

I almost keeled over in laughter. I was amazed at my capacity to avoid rolling around on the floor laughing.

As for Veronica, I responded, "Yes that is inappropriate for the classroom... why don't you pack up your stuff and get ready for the bell to ring"