keep breathing

This one is going to be a long one and the time line of events might be a little off; but, I am just going to roll with it and hopefully you will do the same. Shannon just reminded me that since I have started this blog I probably cannot mention the specific names of things... oh the internet--- got to watch out for yourself. So I apologize if I am vague at any point. Know that I am doing it to not get my poor social servant self sued.

I have just decided to swap names of people I know with my students' names.

I am going to start with my favorite lesson learned so far:

In the moment, I did not think it this was funny; but now as I am reflecting on my day I can't seem to stop laughing or playing the event over and over in my head.

Here goes, enjoy:

Mike, a low performing student in my calm, cool and collected 3rd period class did not come to class prepared today. I figured this out about a 1/4 through the vocab lesson when I saw that he was not writing anything down. I asked him why he was not on task and to no avail!, (yet again) no pencil today. I told him to ask those around him for a pencil, for I did not have one to give him in that exact moment. I continued on with the lesson as I saw him turning to his fellow students.

Five minutes later, out of the corner of my eye I see Dan, a well behaved student with illegible cursive handwriting, conversing with Mike, both with their backs turned towards me. I stopped speaking turned around and reminded Danto go back to his seat. He turns to me and says, "Fine, but Mike it spitting up blood."

It felt as if a shock wave had hit me and my students as they all proceeded to turn their bug-eyes over to their left side. I calmly walked over to Mike expecting blood to be spewing from his mouth (i had a very vivid image flashback of watching an episode of House). He instead had something in his hand and seemed quite thrilled.

My panic subsided as there was no apparent projectile blood. I looked at him then looked at the ground to a puddle of blood. Perplexed, I asked, "Mike what happened?"

He smiled and plainly stated that he had ripped out his last baby tooth and he had to spit the blood out. I cocked my head ever so slightly to the side and responded, "but why would you do that in the middle of class?"

"Well, I couldn't find a pencil."

Lesson learned: always supply children with a pencil.


A Night I will always remember in LA:

While in La, I spent the least amount of time in LA. My free time was allotted to roadtrips around the area (San Diego for pride, Huntington Beach/Newport Beach for the Surfing Open...etc.). I found LA to be spread out and a daily headache.

I will never forget the night I went out in LA.

Set the scene... I was dressed in baby blue sweater, express dark blue jeans with my irish cap on my head. Matt was meeting up with a friend in west hollywood and I decided to tag along. Up to that point I felt I avoided anything LA and this was just unfair.

Matt and I met his friend at a bar where he was going t play a track or two. I walked into this swanky place and immediately felt out of place. chaise couches, multiple fake fire pits, cocktails of various colors with pinkies out, designer outfits with a perfect blend of accessories, everyone with a drink in hand and no sign of a bar anywhere. I felt as if I entered the twilight zone (and there was no Edward!). Matt looked a little confused as well... once we finally found the bar and ordered a drink things were a tiny bit better. When I sat down I immediately started staring at pretentious that surrounded me, trying pry my eyes into the insecurities they hid behind.

There was a 50 year old women to my left drinking her clear cocktail make-up caked, her hands on a 30 year old gentleman who looked as if his long time dog was just shot.

There was a couple of men, on a chaise lounge in front of me, gay (I determined this by there outrageous method of staring at our table.... one of the guys even gave me a head nod. at which point I decided not to stare anymore.(1, 2,... look away).

All those around were in some form of exaggerated conversation. I was loving it. Finally, I understood the term, "So LA."

We left this place after matt's friend finished spinning his tracks.

In conversation, it had come out that I have this slight fear of Drag queens. Something about being displayed on stage during a drag show really spawned this uncomfortable feeling of nausea and sweating palms when I find myself close to them. Naturally, they took me to a Drag Bar.

It was located in Korea town on a roof top of some building. One of these bars... one of these bars if you didn't know where you were going you would have no idea it existed. We climb the couple flights of stairs and 3 young drag queens are there to greet us.

We walked in and my mouth hit the floor. I walked into a "what the fuck party" (for those of you who do not know what a "wtf" party is... the goal is wear an absurd outfit so the company around will say "what the fuck are you wearing?"

For those who witnessed my outfit for "wtf" junior year, I promise you everyone in this bar was much worse. To my left there was a a group of gentleman (?) one with his face painted half black, with a nun's cap and this drape piece of garb over his body, another was in a short mini shirt sparkling shirt with roller blades on, another with a torn orange shirt and some form of shorts on that I really have no words for. I had entered a freak show. I was loving it. I was a tad bit in shock, trying to absorb the situation as quickly as possible.

The drag show began. Due to my condition, we stood a real solid distance away from the stage. The first act was a real woman and a terrible singer. I took a sip of my drink finally beginning to adjust to the situation. The stage music began. Sounds of pigs oinking and splashing in the mud. I looked at Matt and his friend, perplexed. From where we stood, there was no sign of anyone on stage. We instinctively moved closer to the stage. I found myself head tilted, eyebrows in, nostril up, with a smirk of dumbfound. There were two man on stage rolling around in their boxer briefs, with a pair of pig ears and pig noses. Just as my brain was attempting to place the image in a box, a clap of thunder struck the stage. I nearly jumped, looked up and saw a 300 pound bald greased man dressed in a corset and long flowing hippy dress. He looked like the Michelin tire fluffy man gone really really wrong. I was frozen, staring at the performance. Half in shock... mostly in shock not a muscle moved. A marilyn manson-esk melody about swines filled the club. An animalistic, dominatrix performance was playing out in front of me.. and i had first row tickets. I began to uncomfortably laugh, Matt began to uncomfortably laugh. The man was now rolling around on stage, the pigs were on top of him, oil everywhere. The corset busted open, the dressed flew out in the crowd. Matt turned around and left the room. I did not think it was possible.
This image in my head has permanently tatooed itself to the core of my being. If I ever have children, they will never hear the tale of "the three little pigs."

I am mentally exhausted after telling that story... I'll post about school and my kids later.

Dan